Before my husband died, I kissed his best mate – it was so wrong & yet so right

DEAR DEIDRE: THREE days before my much-loved husband died, I kissed his best friend – it was so wrong and yet so right. 

My gorgeous husband was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumour 18 months ago and we were devastated. I’m 32 and he was 34.


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We both gave up work immediately because, luckily, we had insurance to cover the bills. We had been married for four years.

As things progressed, I got help from the medical team but had to dress him, wash him, feed him and take care of his toilet needs. 

In a way, I lost him on the day of his diagnosis, as we knew there was no cure.

I couldn’t have coped without the calm and kind support of his best friend. He’s 35 and a single dad to a three-year-old girl.

As my husband’s condition got worse, I accepted he was slipping away. In my head, I’d already let go of him — but it was a tough time. 

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One particular night, my husband’s mate called in, as he regularly did. The nurse was upstairs with my husband doing some checks and I was making us all a cup of tea. 

I started to cry as reality hit home, and his mate came over to hug me. As he did, he lifted my chin up to his and we kissed. I felt such a strong pull between us and it gave me butterflies.

My husband passed away three days later. Since then his friend has been there for me, helping with the funeral arrangements and everything else. I’ve caught him looking at me a couple of times and, the truth is, I’m developing feelings for him too.

My husband always said I mustn’t be alone and I can’t think of anyone else he’d approve of more.

DEIDRE SAYS: You can still be friends but do be kind to yourself and come to terms with losing your husband first.

Kissing your husband’s friend was crossing a boundary, but he came on to you and this will have been a tough time for you both.

A new relationship may feel like a good way to escape your grief, but there’s no rush. If this man feels like you, he’ll wait. 

It will stand you both in good stead if you deal with your loss properly before moving into any new relationship.

Professional bereavement counselling will help you to come to terms with everything, and give you clarity about your long-term future.

My support pack on Bereavement will help and you can find emotional support, and friendships with people in a similar situation, at widowedandyoung.org.uk. 

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