I’m considering a sex change because my lesbian lover wants to sleep with men – The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE:  MY girlfriend says she is in love with me but she wants to sleep with a man too, so I’m considering going for sex-change surgery.

I am a 29-year-old woman and my girlfriend is 26.

She was straight when we met but we hit it off and fell in love very quickly. We have been together for just over two years.

We have had our ups and downs in that time, however, last week she told me she is in love with me and wants to be with me.

But she doesn’t want to have sex with me because I am not a man and I have the wrong parts for her.

I was so upset I just sobbed. I love her so much.

I am willing to go without sex if that’s what it takes to be with her but she said she needs someone who can give her what she wants sexually so she can feel fulfilled.

I just can’t do that for her.

I am unsure if she will continue with our relationship because I know how much she misses being with a man.


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I have told her she can have sex with a guy and I will give her my permission, as long as she always comes home to me, but I feel so scared about losing her.

I am thinking about having a sex change for her sake, though I like being a woman, even if I do dress and look quite manly.

One difficulty is that I have a son who is eight. How would I explain to him that I am changing sex for my girlfriend’s sake?

If it weren’t for him I would do anything for my girlfriend because I love her so much.

I am scared that one day, she will either cheat on me or leave me because she is on the lookout for a man.

I am so confused about my life. Right now it is starting to affect my mental health.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Please put any idea of sex-change surgery to one side. It’s not the answer for you.

You don’t feel you are in the wrong gender body. In fact, you like being a woman.

I can’t see any responsible surgeon agreeing to perform sex-change ­surgery on you, and in any case it doesn’t magically give you 100 per cent functional sexual parts.

The real problem here is that your girlfriend loves you but she is sexually straight. Nobody chooses their ­sexuality and you cannot alter it easily either.

You both need to accept that while you can be loving friends, you can’t be sexual partners.

Be brave and step away from her. It will probably be best not to see her at all for a while and give both of you space to move on emotionally.

Focus on your son’s wellbeing for now but find some adult understanding support. My e-leaflet Gay Resources will help.

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