Do you dare tell your sexual partner your deepest desires?
Stigma around more unusual (or rather, less talked about) kinks has lessened in recent years, especially with a surge of sex-positive movements in pop culture, as mainstream TV shows and films show different people’s tastes in the bedroom – but telling someone what you really want in bed can be scary.
And understandably so, because you never know how the other person will react.
A recent survey by Superdrug revealed that 18.4% of people feel uncomfortable asking their lovers to fulfil their sexual fantasies, and 23.6% only feel somewhat comfortable talking about naughty business in the bedroom.
It’s all about trust, and feeling comfortable enough in your own body (and your fantasies) to find the courage to open up – but it can be liberating once you finally do.
And who knows, your lover might share your dirty thoughts, and even offer to do them with you.
In the name of research, and because we are nosy, we asked nine people to tell us the sexual fantasies that they are afraid to share with others.
Here’s what they – bravely – shared with us.
I now have French windows and I would love to be looking out over the river, as my partner comes behind me and enters me.
I don’t think I’d care who jogged or ran past and saw us, that would be quite thrilling.
But I’ve never told anyone about this.
I would love to tell everyone, but some people are just less open than others (that’d be me) and I feel like no one would want to know it anyway.
I have always wanted to have a threesome with two women, but have only mentioned it to a couple of partners for obvious reasons.
One was open to the idea and wanted to come up with possible ‘candidates’.
But after tentatively suggesting one mutual acquaintance who was bi and receiving a fairly hostile response, I sensibly decided not to suggest one of her friends, who I secretly did want to be involved in the would-be threesome, which never happened.
You know the scene with the flower in the movie 40 Days and 40 Nights?
Where Josh Hartnett’s character runs a flower across his bedmate’s front, and how they’re like teasing each other and don’t f*** but she still came?
I want that amount of teasing going on.
But I don’t want to ask someone to do it to me because a) I don’t want to have to tell a man what to do, I don’t want to be his teacher and b) it’s a very intimate thing and I find it hard to get out of my head and be in my body.
For years, I’ve wanted to have a bondage threesome with another woman.
It’s a taboo that I haven’t explored and I like the idea of dominating someone alongside my partner – and then having them dominate me, mostly by tying me up.
I’ve never shared this with a partner in the past, but I have told my current boyfriend about it.
When it comes to sex, I’ve always been very shy, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve found it more fun and liberating.
My experiences have also expanded my mind and given me more ideas, too.
My sexual fantasy would probably be group sex in a van with about five strangers, I’d say.
It took me two years to tell my boyfriend about it, but thankfully he’s totally open to hearing my secret desires so no worries there.
The reason I held back from sharing my fantasy was probably my own insecurities, but we’ve been very open in our relationship, with many a visit to a dark room.
The idea of a sex party has always fascinated me, kind of turned me on and I’d like to give it a go – but I’ve never been in a relationship secure enough to have this be an option.
I’d also not want to get involved with other people, rather just be around it, and if my other half were to get too into it and get off with other people I’d get upset and fear I wasn’t good enough.
The only people I’ve ever told are ‘Snapchat hookups’ to basically turn them on during phone sex. I think my friends will think I’m mad and we don’t really talk about sex in detail too often.
It’d be too weird and they’d look at me differently.
I’m pretty open about what I want in bed now, but I used to be scared to tell girls that I wanted to get more girls involved (threesomes).
But then once I started telling people about it I discovered that more often than not, girls find that really hot and want to try it.
I have a weird fantasy/enjoy when guys not only moan, but moan high-pitched.
I think I get off on making a guy my bitch – making them less masculine if that makes sense. They’d have to go back to masculine man outside of the bedroom or else I’d dump them, but in the bedroom, be weak.
Once I got with a guy who had a foot fetish. I wasn’t into that and it kind of made me feel uncomfortable to start with. But then I thought I can use that to my advantage and try something out.
As I was f***ing him, he was enjoying it, but I was on top looking at him thinking I want to take this up a notch.
So I decided to pull my legs round and put my foot in his mouth as I bounced.
I’ve never seen anything like it.
His eyes rolled to the back of his head, legs were shaking, moaning like mad. I didn’t enjoy my feet in his mouth but I enjoyed making him moan high-pitched.
I’m 32 years old and I’ve never had an orgasm.
My secret fantasy is to meet a man who cares enough about my pleasure to give me an orgasm. I’ve faked it plenty of my times.
In a way, it’s not really a secret, because I have told my former partners about this – but the problem is that they don’t believe me.
I also really want to have shower sex, but never have.
*All names have been changed.
Do you have a particularly fantastic, funny or unusual sex story that you want to tell us about? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]
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